


missing you lately ('cause you make it real for me)

by swallowsmateforlife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Feelings, Kisses, M/M, Sad Liam, Twitter, Where We Are Tour, falling in love kinda maybe, intuitive zayn, mentions of girlfriends but that's all, soulmates sorta if u squint perhaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:56:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowsmateforlife/pseuds/swallowsmateforlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows Liam probably better than anyone. He knows Liam’s thought process, he’s in tune with Liam’s emotions and Zayn knows that this might only be day two of tour but this is nothing compared to how bad it gets sometimes. Last year there were nights of Zayn’s t-shirts soaked through by Liam’s tears, nights of hushed comforts and his fingers sliding through Liam’s hair to console him. There were nights of Liam climbing into his bunk, pressed up against Zayn’s back, words unspoken as his arm looped around Zayn’s waist and slotted their fingers together.</p><p>And there was the sex. <i>God</i>, the sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	missing you lately ('cause you make it real for me)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Liam on Twitter](https://twitter.com/Real_Liam_Payne/status/460320031784456193), April 27, 2014.  
> Title from "You Make It Real" by James Morrison.

Liam has never been very good at managing his feelings.

And it’s not a bad thing, it’s not, it’s just he has highs and lows and no sense of self-containment when he’s feeling anywhere on the spectrum. When it’s good, it’s _great._ Everything is great, and he’s so excited, he’s bouncing on his heels and grinning like an idiot and he can’t wait to do whatever it is he’s excited for in the moment.

But when it’s bad, it’s _awful_ and it feels all-encompassing and he doesn’t know how to escape it. When it’s bad it’s dark, it’s dingy, it’s pulling at him and smothering and he can’t help but just let it all out and he knows, _he knows_ he comes off as ungrateful and broody and spoiled but… he really can’t help it. He can’t.

He’s never been afraid of his emotions, either. He’s okay with crying in front of people, he’s been through enough to have earned it, he thinks. Whether it’s sadness or happiness, whether he’s overwhelmed or overexcited, he’s no stranger to the waterworks and that’s okay.

And deep down inside, he supposes, he’s still Liam from Wolverhampton. Still Liam hurrying his way home from school before the shoves and insults and cruelty. He’s still Liam who gets stressed out too easily, who worries too much, and never feels good enough or worthy enough. He’d spent hours daydreaming, back at home, about what it would be like to be famous and successful. He’d wondered, he’d been _certain,_ that when he finally did make it everything would be better. Everything would be okay, he wouldn’t worry or stress or feel insecure anymore, surely. With thousands of fans screaming for him, with record sales sky high, with tours and promo, everything would be so much better and he’d start to like himself and forget about the times he spent lying in bed and wishing he could stop existing.

But, he learned quickly, that didn’t happen.

He still doesn’t feel worthy or deserving of this. He doesn’t understand, still, why so many people could love him; _how_ so many people could love him. If they knew the real him, the insecure worrying emotional ball of nerves, they wouldn’t, he’s certain. Liam doesn’t understand it and sometimes he still wishes he could stop existing but… but he’s working on it. He is. He’s trying.

Except that it’s just so much, tonight.

Thousands of fans lining the streets outside their hotel, the weight of the world on their shoulders with the tour starting last night, and so much uncertainty ahead of him.

And then there’s the loneliness. Tour is _lonely._ Even with his boys around him, and the crew, and their team… it’s not the same as his parents, and his sisters, and Sophia.

Sophia.

Sophia, who maybe doesn’t want to endure another six month tour. Sophia, who maybe wants to be a free twenty year old girl with the summer waiting ahead of her. Sophia, who maybe wants to spend days at the sea and no boyfriend to join her.

It’s not that she doesn’t love him, Liam knows that. They love each other so fiercely when they’re together but it’s when they’re apart that it’s difficult. Liam doesn’t know how Louis and Zayn do it; how they’re so comfortable and secure and okay on their own. Liam hates being alone. He hates feeling alone even when he’s surrounded by so many people. He loves his life, and his boys, and his job, but deep down… Liam loves love, too. He loves being loved and loving back. He loves knowing someone’s waiting for him and the excitement of flying home for a few days when he can. He loves the spare days off and the rush of squeezing in as much as he can with Sophia when he’s home. Liam loves waking up with someone next to him and going to sleep with her in his arms. He loves lounging on the couch in sweatpants and watching nonsense on the telly and playing with her hair and going on dates and… well, he might not have any of that anymore. Not after their conversation before he left for tour.

And now it’s all Liam can think about, lying alone in his hotel room in Peru and feeling the weight of everything crushing down against him.

He’s still not used to the time zone and jetlag has been hurting them all, and the noise outside is so much that he couldn’t sleep even if he _was_ tired. He wonders, idly, if Zayn is awake. It’s three in the morning in Peru and Zayn can sleep anywhere so… probably out cold, snoring softly, his hair all rumpled and spilling over his high cheekbones.

Sighing, Liam reaches over to his bedside table to grab his phone, opening his Twitter app to scroll through. He’s been trending worldwide for hours now and it’s amazing. It feels amazing even if he’s not sure he entirely believes that he deserves any of it.

Frowning, he shifts against the headboard of his bed, slouching a bit as he opens the camera and tugs his snapback down over his eyes a little. Snapping off a photo, he chose a black and white filter and typed out his message:

 **Real_Liam_Payne:** Can't get you off my mind…

And he knows maybe he’s being dramatic and maybe he’s being too much tonight, today, but his self-control about his feelings has never been strong and it certainly isn’t tonight.

~ ~ ~

Zayn isn’t asleep. The noise outside, though now only a dull roar instead of a raging one, is keeping him awake and he knows it’s no use right now. He’ll sleep in late in the morning and roll out of bed in time for sound check. Maybe. Only if Harry brings him tea and his cigarettes first.

Next to him his phone lights up with a notification and Zayn picks it up, sliding his lockscreen and typing in his passcode. Furrowing his eyebrows he looks at the new tweet for Liam – just next door – and he frowns.

He knows Liam probably better than anyone. He knows Liam’s thought process, he’s in tune with Liam’s emotions and Zayn knows that this might only be day two of tour but this is nothing compared to how bad it gets sometimes.

Last year there were nights of Zayn’s t-shirts soaked through by Liam’s tears, nights of hushed comforts and his fingers sliding through Liam’s hair to console him. There were nights of Liam climbing into his bunk, pressed up against Zayn’s back, words unspoken as his arm looped around Zayn’s waist and slotted their fingers together.

And there was the sex.

 _God,_ the sex.

Zayn’s pretty sure he’s never had better sex in his life than with Liam.

It’s just this thing between them, right, where sometimes they need to let off steam and they have each other so… why not? Tour gets long and lonely and sometimes that release is just what they need – both of them.

When Liam’s having a particularly bad night and Zayn is there for him sometimes it’s so hot, so rough, so hard that Zayn nearly blacks out as he comes, on his knees for Liam’s powerful thrusts behind him. Or sometimes after an amazing show and adrenaline is high, their fingers rushed and scattered on each other’s bodies as they fight to get clothes off and Liam drops to his knees and takes Zayn’s cock down his throat in one fell swoop and…

Zayn reaches down to adjust himself in his sweatpants, biting his lip gently as he stares at the photo of Liam on his phone screen. Liam, shirtless with his beautiful brown eyes hidden, that spattering of chest hair across his muscular body, and his stupid hand and thick fingers and…

And it’s not that he doesn’t love Perrie or Liam doesn’t love Sophia. It’s not.

And no one knows anyway, so.

Well. Maybe they do. No one’s ever said anything, anyway.

But Zayn does love Perrie, it’s just… it’s just that Liam can give him things, can do things for him, to him, that no one else ever could, or ever has.

Liam can hold him down into the mattress; can press the weight of himself against Zayn and sometimes Zayn feels like he wants to just be smothered in Liam’s strength, and his muscles, and his body. Sometimes Zayn wants nothing more than for Liam’s big, strong hands to curl around his hips and leave fingerprint bruises as he fucks him from behind. Sometimes Zayn wants, needs, _craves_ the feeling of Liam pushing into him, his cock so hard and so big and so filling and… Zayn can’t get that anywhere else.

And sometimes… sometimes he feels like he needs it. Needs it more than he’s needed anything. Sometimes Zayn needs it more than oxygen, he thinks.

Sometimes he’s overwhelmed with thoughts of Liam, and his body, and the way it feels to run his hands over Liam’s hard abs or along the stubble – the beard – on his cheeks. Sometimes it’s all Zayn can think about – having Liam’s arms around him, laying his head against Liam’s broad chest, feeling Liam’s stubble against his thighs…

Perrie can’t do those things for him.

And no one has to know, so.

It’s not Zayn’s fault, either. It’s really not. There’s just always been this magnetism between them, hasn’t there? This pull, this force, like gravity tugging them together and slotting them into place and Zayn doesn’t think that’s such a bad thing. They’re best mates. Liam gets him and he gets Liam. Liam understands Zayn completely and Zayn is so in tune with Liam that sometimes it scares even himself.

It’s just… he can’t stay away from Liam and he doesn’t want to, either. They’ve been inseparable since day one, practically, and he couldn’t imagine his life without Liam anymore. He doesn’t want to think about it. He loves Liam, and his family love Liam, and they’re just meant to be best mates, he knows it.

Sighing, Zayn shifts a bit on the bed as he reads over Liam’s tweet again. _Can’t get you off my mind._ He knows it’s for Sophia, and that Liam and she are going through a rough patch right now. He knows that Liam doesn’t want to let her go but she needs her space and freedom. Zayn knows that but part of him wonders if maybe, somewhere deep down, Liam is thinking about him right now and not her.

The thing is, if Liam is out of control with his own emotions, Zayn is just as fucked for Liam’s emotions too.

Before he can process what he’s doing he’s out of his bed, sheets kicked down, and padding his way barefoot across his hotel room to the door. He crosses the short few feet to Liam’s door and knocks softly, knowing he shouldn’t but also knowing he can’t not either.

~ ~ ~

Liam looks up from his Twitter feed when he hears the knock, frowning a little, but he knows.

Setting his phone back on the bedside table Liam pushes himself out of bed to come to the door. He’s wearing his snapback and great sweats and nothing else but he doesn’t care. Zayn’s seen it all anyway.

Pulling the door open quietly Liam peers out at Zayn in the hallway. Zayn offers a small smile as he looks up at Liam, shrugging a little hello as he pushes into the room with Liam, the door falling closed with a soft click behind them.

“Y’alright?” Zayn asks quietly as Liam leads them back to his bed.

“I suppose so,” Liam answers, slipping back into the bed easily, leaning up against the headboard like he had been only a moment ago.

Zayn frowns a little because he knows the truth, but says nothing as he climbs into the too-big bed as well and tucks himself in against Liam’s side in the crook of his arm, laying his head down against Liam’s shoulder and resting his hand on Liam’s bare chest gently.

“Mmm,” he hums noncommittally, closing his eyes for a moment as he rests there against Liam. “Can talk to me, if you like,” Zayn says quietly, fingertips idly tracing over the ridges and lines of Liam’s abs.

“Nothing to talk about,” Liam said shortly, not angry but there’s something shut off in it and Zayn knows not to press any further. Instead he tilts his head, pressing a soft kiss to Liam’s shoulder, sighing quietly.

Everything feels different.

It’s not like they don’t do this, sometimes, too. They cuddle quite a lot, really. But this is different, somehow, and Zayn can’t quite lay a finger on why. Maybe it’s jetlag. Probably. Everyone is feeling a little off kilter, certainly.

But he knows that’s not it. He can practically sense Liam’s edge and uneasiness radiating off him and he knows he needs to do something about it.

Shifting, Zayn pushes himself up and over, sliding a knee over Liam’s hips and settling down to straddle his thighs. He reaches up to pull the snapback off of Liam’s head, tossing it to the floor and looking down at Liam finally. Zayn smiles, bringing his fingers up to push the fringe of hair off of Liam’s face. He’s so beautiful all the time, but Zayn likes this Liam with his hair down and soft and his. His Liam.

Wordlessly Zayn leans down over Liam’s broad chest to press their lips together, kissing Liam softly, sweetly, a silent ‘I’m here for you’ as his hands run down Liam’s arms and squeeze his biceps gently.

Liam sighs into the kiss, hands fitting around Zayn’s slender hips and squeezing gently. He didn’t exactly have this in mind tonight but, well. If Zayn was here and offering, he wasn’t going to say no. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to.

Liam sighed a bit as Zayn broke the kiss, smiling at the feeling of Zayn’s hands wandering along over his shoulders and chest, loving the way goosebumps popped up on his skin almost immediately. Zayn just did that to him, really. Everything with Zayn felt heightened times a thousand. Touches more intense, kisses more deep, the sex more mind-blowing, and he never came as hard as he did when he fucked Zayn.

He smiled, eyes falling closed at the feeling of Zayn’s lips trailing down his jaw and along his neck softly, little swipes of his tongue and nips of his teeth against Liam’s skin. It felt electric. Intense. Hardly anything had happened yet and Liam already felt his cock twitch a little, knowing what was coming eventually.

“Got stuff, babe?” Zayn asked quietly as his lips traveled over the dip of Liam’s collarbone, tongue dipping into it, a smirk on his lips as he felt Liam shudder beneath him.

“Yeah,” Liam breathed, fingers sliding through Zayn’s soft dark hair, unable to help the way his hips rocked up against Zayn gently just then. “My bag. Same pocket, y’know,” he said, scratching his fingertips gently against the back of Zayn’s neck and smiling when Zayn pulled away and off of him to cross the room to Liam’s dufflebag.

Zayn unzipped the usual sidepocket, pulling the tube of lubricant and a condom out, glancing back at Liam as he turned again. He smiled, biting his lip gently. Something… felt different. This was different. Usually it was hurried and rushed and quick and rough, and Zayn loved that but… they’d never taken this much time to just get a fucking condom out before. It was different.

“Well? Get your kit off,” Zayn said with a laugh teasing his voice, tugging his own tshirt over his head and smirking as Liam lifted his hips to tug his pants off, casting them aside to the floor. Zayn stepped out of his own pyjama pants, climbing back up onto the bed and reclaiming his spot straddling Liam’s thighs. He set the lubricant down next to Liam’s hip, hands moving to run up over Liam’s abs and chest and down again, loving the tight, hard feel of Liam’s muscles under his hands.

He slipped his right hand lower, curling around Liam’s erection and smiling as he gave a slow, teasing, gentle stroke upward and back down again, loving the soft sigh of pleasure that dropped from Liam’s lips as he did so. Zayn leaned in again, lips slotting together as he gently stroked Liam’s cock, feeling him getting harder in his palm and loving it.

Liam bit gently at Zayn’s lower lip, tugging a little and sliding his hand up over Zayn’s thigh and to his hip, squeezing as he kissed him deeper. This was different, but kind of nice, really. Sex with Zayn was always good and he had no qualms that it would be just as incredible tonight but this slowed down version was still new and a little exciting to him. Liam smiled as Zayn pulled away again, watching him grab the tube of lubricant and pop the cap open, drizzling some of the silky substance out onto his own fingertips.

Liam watched silently, breathlessly as Zayn shifted up on his knees a little more and reached back behind him, no doubt rubbing his slick fingers over his entrance. Zayn bit his lip and gasped softly and Liam groaned a little, knowing Zayn had pressed one of his fingers inside himself. This, this was hot. This was new and different. Typically Liam loved to finger Zayn open for him, to watch Zayn writhe beneath him and squirm and press back onto his fingers as Liam curled them up against Zayn’s prostate, just to hear him moan.

But here Zayn was, straddling his hips and fingering himself out of Liam’s sight, with only his sounds and the expressions of his beautiful face to give any indication to Liam of what was going on. Something about it was possibly one of the hottest things Liam had ever experienced. He moaned quietly, dragging his short nails down over Zayn’s sensitive inner thighs and back up again, hand moving to cup Zayn’s balls gently, squeezing a little and loving the way Zayn moaned and pressed down against Liam’s hand and, no doubt, taking his own fingers in deeper as he did so.

“Fuck, babe,” Zayn moaned breathlessly above him, looking down at Liam, lips parted in a soft moan. His hair spilled over his eyes and Liam loved how gorgeous Zayn looked like this. Zayn’s hair down was Liam’s favourite, really.

After a moment Zayn eased his fingers out of himself, shuddering at the loss and reaching for the condom he’d laid out next to Liam. He smiled at the younger man as he tore the packet open, pulling the latex out and reaching down to Liam’s cock to slowly, carefully roll the condom onto him, loving the soft moan his touch pulled out of Liam. Taking up the lube again, he squeezed some out and coated Liam’s cock, twisting his wrist up and down a few times before shifting upward on his knees again.

Liam moved his hands up to hold Zayn’s hips to steady him, spreading his legs a little as Zayn reached back to take Liam’s cock in hand, eyebrows knitted together as he guided the head inside himself. Zayn bit his lip, eyes locked with Liam’s as he slowly pushed himself down onto Liam’s cock. Liam stared right back at Zayn, eyes never breaking contact as Zayn slowly sank down, down, feeling the burn and stretch of Liam inside him but refusing to close his eyes for even a second. His lip fell from his lips as he moaned when Liam finally bottomed out inside him, hands moving to brace against Liam’s strong chest gently.

“Fuck, babe,” Zayn moaned softly, rocking his hips gently forward a few times to get used to the stretch. It’d been so, so long since they’d done this. Zayn couldn’t remember. The Brits? Liam had been so drunk that night, both of them high off of their wins and being together again after a few months off. The sex that night had been hard and fast, full of giggles and laughs and orgasms and happiness.

But that was months ago and Zayn had missed this. He’d missed the feeling of Liam, hard and thick inside of him, of Liam’s strong, big hands on his hips like this.

“You feel incredible,” Liam moaned out quietly, rocking his hips up gently, staring up at Zayn’s brilliant brown eyes and unable to help the smile that spread on his lips, eyes crinkling with the brightness of his smile.

“You too,” Zayn nodded, digging his fingertips into Liam’s chest gently before slowly pushing himself up and dropping back down again, finding his rhythm and taking it easy. It was nice, this change of pace. And Zayn loved all the sex he had with Liam, when it was hard and fast, when it was a quick shag in the showers, when it was sloppy blowjobs after shows…

But it had never been quite like this, was the thing.

The intensity of this was electric, sparks dancing between them as Zayn slowly moved his body, grinding up and down easily and lazily and perfectly. He felt like Liam’s eyes were staring into his soul, unable to break that eye contact with him and loving how incredible it felt to have Liam look at him in this way.

“Fuck, Li,” Zayn moaned out louder this time, grinding his hips a little with each push downward, shuddering as the head of Liam’s cock grinded against his prostate with each movement he made. “Fuck, you’re perfect,” he sighed, biting back another moan as Liam’s hands slid over his thighs and hips, loving the touches from him.

“C’mere,” Liam gasped out, hands sliding up Zayn’s sides and around his back, pulling him down and into a kiss. Zayn’s eyes finally fell closed as their lips met, kissing Liam deeply and a little sloppy but he didn’t think either of them cared. He moaned, panted into Liam’s kisses as he grinded back against Liam’s cock, pressed chest to chest now and loving how hot Liam’s skin felt against his own.

Liam’s hands slid over Zayn’s body, running up his spine and through his hair, down again and over his sides, and Zayn couldn’t help the soft whimpers that escaped against Liam’s lips. Zayn felt practically engulfed by Liam’s big, strong hands and it was everything he wanted. He moaned, grinding his hips back on Liam’s cock as Liam’s hands ran down, squeezing his hips before finally his arms wrapped around Zayn’s back, embracing him and holding him tightly against his chest.

Zayn slipped one hand up into Liam’s hair, the other resting on the side of Liam’s neck as he kissed him again, more desperate this time. It was _different._ This was different, and the way Liam was holding him said it all. He felt enraptured, captivated, held tightly against Liam’s strong body like Liam couldn’t, wouldn’t, wasn’t able to ever let him go, and Zayn didn’t want him to.

“Liam,” Zayn panted against Liam’s lips, breaths coming faster, more needy now. “God, fuck,” he groaned out, loving the way Liam had taken to now rocking his hips up and thrusting into Zayn deeply, the right angle to make Zayn come undone.

“That’s it, baby,” Liam breathed, biting gently at Zayn’s lower lip. “Come for me, yeah? Just on my cock, you don’t need to touch yourself, do you?” He purred, swallowing up Zayn’s moans as fast as they fell from his lips. Zayn shook his head a little, tugging Liam’s hair gently and resting their foreheads together as he grinded back onto Liam’s thrusts, knowing this wasn’t going to last much longer for either of them.

“M’gonna come,” Zayn nodded, bumping his nose gently against Liam’s and running his fingertips down Liam’s neck and up again, cupping Liam’s jaw and brushing his thumb over Liam’s facial hair, loving the feel of it beneath his fingers.

Without another word more Zayn gasped, crying out as his orgasm hit him, washing over his whole body and making him shudder in Liam’s arms, pressing in closer against Liam’s chest if even possible. He whimpered softly, lips pursing against Liam’s as he rode it out breathlessly, grinding back against Liam’s thrusts.

Liam wasn’t far behind, Zayn coming untouched enough to set him off. He pushed in once more, grinding upward and coming hard into Zayn, crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss as he did. Liam moaned into it, gasping a little as their kiss broke, Zayn practically collapsed against his chest now as his own arms ran up and down the smooth planes of Zayn’s back and down over his arse cheeks, squeezing before sliding back up his body again.

“Baby, baby, oh my god,” Liam panted, lips brushing against Zayn’s sweaty temple, nuzzling his face into Zayn’s hair and holding him close. “You’re perfect, Zayn, fuck,” Liam whispered, rocking his hips gently as they rode out their orgasms, shuddering a bit as he started to come down from it all.

Zayn buried his face in against Liam’s neck, breathing him in and panting, heart racing in his chest as Liam’s hands ran over his body. That, he loved. He could feel Liam’s emotions in each touch, every fingertip, every squeeze.

After a moment Zayn lifted his head finally, pressing a chaste, soft kiss to Liam’s lips before gently moving up and off of Liam. He reached to get the condom off and tied, tossed aside before collapsing onto the bed against Liam’s side. Zayn’s heart fluttered as Liam turned into him, pulling Zayn back in against his body, arms enveloping him once more, their legs slotting and tangling together like perfect pieces of a puzzle, meant for each other.

It was quiet, just the sound of their hurried breaths slowing down to normal, heartbeats settling once again as Zayn curled closer into Liam’s arms, closing his eyes finally and shifting to drop his own arm over Liam’s side, fingertips drawing aimless patterns in between Liam’s shoulder-blades idly.

It was different.

It wasn’t hurried or rushed, it wasn’t hard and fast, it wasn’t dirty or desperate. That was… Zayn didn’t want to let himself think about what that was. He knew what that was but saying it out loud would be too much right now. For both of them.

“Stay with me, tonight,” Liam said, lips brushing Zayn’s forehead as he did, squeezing him gently for effect. Zayn nodded gently against Liam’s chest, sighing in satisfaction as he cuddled into Liam.

“I will,” he said quietly, pressing a kiss to Liam’s chest and letting his eyes fall closed again.

“Stay with me, always,” Liam said, barely above a whisper, so quiet Zayn had to strain to hear him.

That was it. That was what was different.

“Always,” Zayn repeated, world around them going hazy as they dropped off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://flamingoshirts.tumblr.com)!


End file.
